Comparison and alternative

I love the seriousness on one's look when he is engaged in some deep
thinking. But do I love everyone's or jus his? Looking at another one
now, but somehow the feeling is very different even when the time,
purpose, venue seem to be the same.

I came to one conclusion: there is no alternative when it comes to the
person u love. No matter how similar the new one is, he can never
replace the original one. I can only fall in love again after I can
stop comparing him with any new guys I know. I have to stop
benchmarking him, then only can I start to fall in love again. But
will that day come soon, or even come? Am i willing to let go?
Sigh..........

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Assignments – making me sad

I am struggling with my assignments now yet i cant help but thought of him. Hahahha.

He used to help me soooo much in my assignments. Giving me ideas, editing my languages, accompanying me at East Coast Mac whenever its nearing the submission date etc…

Now even if i am going to east coast mac, it will only be me alone. Feeling sad not becos i have to go thr alone (as i have done tat before), feeling sad cos he is not goin to be with me in all my future involvement in anything.

I think there isnt anything which i did don’t involve him in one way or the other, which precisely makes things so difficult for me when things ended. There are really alot of getting used to. I am trying quite hard, trying to divert all my attention used to think of him by going out alot with friends, arranging meet ups with friends i have not seen for long time (fulfilling my new year resolution).

However, whenever i reached home and being alone. The sadness will set in. I know i am pessimistic and emo, really trying hard to change all these. I REALLY NEED TIME!! And i dun appreciate pple ard me who only know how to FORCE you to get over, move on like its as easy as changing clothes.

Vivid dreams

Recently I kept dreaming abt fang and her kid, Kacia, whom I hav yet
to meet. I even dream of her giving birth when she is in hospital
giving birth. Yesterday, dreamt of Ray and her needing to check in one
hotel fr some function or soemthing equivalent. I tagged along to look
after Kacia.

I am curious whether this bonding between me and Kacia is pre-destined
or becos like what Jess said 'preggy around us giving us pressure'.
That I really dunno. Whichever it is, I seem to have some sort of
bonding with this kid. Haha. Shall go visit her once I done with my
assignment, which I have yet to start.

I am still waiting for colleague to bring me to the fortune teller she
deemed as good. Wishes to check out my love life and see if thr is
really any Mr Right for me aft so many relationships. Really tired of
getting dumped and having to go through the sadness. Think I am really
old le. Not sure if I can bear another of such sadness anymore. :(

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Logical vs emotional feelings

What are these? Which gives u more accurate answers? I was told that there is no right or wrong in the love world. I agree and disagree. It all depends on whether u r using ur logical feelings or emotional feelings. It supported the no right or wrong theory as it's all about
perspectives.

Majority doing action A doesn't deem this action as a right action, it only means it was more accepted by the public. Therefore, should we always go with the flow? Not going with the flow does that makes us a weirdo? What do think?

So end of the day, who can tell u what us right or wrong? I realised no one but urself.. Therefore, do what u deemed is right and do not regret abt it.

Day 8

Day 8: home sweet home day. However flight won't be till noon from
cairns to Darwin and will reach sg from Darwin at least aft 9plus at
nite.
Mixed feelings. Can't wait to go home but yet going home means reality
will set in, which will mean the nitemare I wanted to wake up badly
will just con'd. What can I do to make life easier other than asking
me to move on?What if moving on w/out him isn't how I wan my life to
be? What if I wanna move on but not w/out him? So frustrating! So
contradicting! And just so lost w/out him, kinda aimless too. Not the
goal-less kinda aimless, just quite lost in the sense that my life in
future is w/out a purpose.
Now at cairns airport after returning car. Waiting for bus to tranfer
us to the airport.
Reached airport. With only $4 left (yes, both of us add together), we
can only afford a piece of fish w/out chips. Hahaha. We spent all our
money today on pumping some more petrol and tats it.
Later at Darwin, we dun even have money to buy drinks. But it's ok, we
will be going for hotpot the moment i reached sg!! Looking forward to
it. Aft that, go hme bathe, rest and may have to mit up with a fren as
he is in need. Hope to have a good flight back.

Day 4

Day 4: Today woke up early at 6plus and got ready to go to the Great
Barrier Reef. But it was such a disappointment. Not that the reef is
not nice, but after 2.5hrs of travelling in a boat to the reef area, I
was already having sea sick. I feel quite useless, seeing others with
no prob to anything yet I am here having seasick just after a boat trip.
The whole duration whr the boat jus anchor at one spot for us to go
snorkelling, I just sit at my place trying hard to doze off so that I
won't have the retching feeling. I didn't even manage to have my lunch
on board. Total vomitted 3 times on board. Tsk tsk tsk!! Useless
Joanne. Disappointing day.

Day 5

Day 5: today is such an early day!! We woke up at 315am (i.e. Sg
115am!). I havnt even reached home back in sg. Haha. We are goin to
take hot air balloon this morning, after which sky rail (which is
cable car in sg context) and a train ride back to cairns city.
Hot air balloon is a different concept from what we have in sg. They
actually move from place to place. But that is not is the onli
difference. We were 'trapped' in a basket container and movements and
space are restricted. Then the person next to me is pple from my 'fav'
country!! Y do I have to bump into them even here?! I was ok with them
initially till one of them squeezing to our side to take pic for the
other and keep knocking into me!! Goddamn it! Don't they have eyes or
feelings that they bumped into others?! I was so pissed that I told
them off. Rest of the flight was quite pleasant with nice view, then
followed by nice breakfast.
The skyride up to Kuranda was ok too, however, the markets at Kuranda
was very boring. Not much selection or it's at super high prices, all
out to chop Roberts. End up we didn't even buy anything. The train
ride back to cairns city was kinda boring except for a few areas.
Basically it makes up our whole journey and it ended at only 345pm.
Since the railway station is near to shopping mall, decided to go to
the supermarket to grab more water and other stuff.
Went back to the hotel to grab the car then we r on our way to Mission
Beach, a place abt 2 hrs from cairns city. However, it was kinda
disappointing when I reached. Very backpacker style, to the extent
they dun even provide towels in rooms. So decided not to stay here for
another nite and will drive back to cairns city aft the river rafting
tmr. Maybe tired but not going to stay here any longer than I should.
Looking for other place to suntan on our last day. Hee. No snorkelling
but still should tan a bit rite? Hee.

Day 6

Day 6: getting ready to leave hotel now. Won't be staying another nite
here. driving back to cairns straight after the Tully white water
rafting. Ummm. If I dun get river sick this time... :p
River rafting was fun!!! Was still worried that I may get river sick
or some sorts, it was totally awesome!! Six in a raft with a guide to
go with us. We were matched with two other couples, one fr Germany,
the other England. The driver drove quite a distance to reach the
start of the river to start our rafting trip. There were abt ten other
rafts with us.
One of the last few rapids include a jump from a big boulder
*splash*!! It's about 5-7m fr the water surface. As I climb onto the
rock, i told myself that I have to jump, however the moment I stepped
onto the jumping spot I can't make it at all. End up I chose not to
jump. Then I start thinking back, if I m here with him, he will make
sure I jump after much coaxing I am sure. Anyway, no point saying this
anymore cos there won't be any him to make me jump from now onwards.
Last but not lest, I had a fun day overall. We even bought the cd with
all our pics from the whole day event at $45. Then was sent back to
mission beach whr we took our car and drove back to cairns.
Stopped at Innisfail on our way back, a really small town. Had nice
fish and chips thr. Reached cairns at abt 8pm and checked into Palm
Royale Resort. Very tired since woke up so early and having a long
day. Going to sleep soon.

Day 7

Day 7: woke up at 9am after many hours of sleep. So lazy today. Went
out to get our long awaited Domino's pizza then came back to hotel to
eat. Didn't do anything till 2pm before we went to DFO (direct factory
outlets) to do some shopping.
Managed to buy some stuff, even bought something for him. Yes, I know
I shldnt but I just did.
Spent quite a bit for this whole trip. Hope it's all worth it to get
back the bubbly Joanne in the shortest possible time. Joanne will
learn how to love a person and wish he will see it in time to come.
Hope time will allow him to be touched by Joanne again. It's all hope
tat is going to get me going.

Day 3

Day 3: Waited for shan at airport since 8am. She didn't come out till
about 915am. They really did a thorough check on her reason for
travelling alone to aust. They even ask her my flight when she told
them she has a cousin waiting for her at cairns already.
Then we called up the car rental and they pick us up to send us to
their office to collect our car. Hyundai Elantra. But still better
than Getz. Off we drive to the tour agents Matt (horse riding farm
owner). With only name and vague address near esplanade, we couldn't
find it at all. With no choice, we called up Matt and he offered to
come and pick us up and send us there! That is such a nice gesture!
Even if it means that he is on his way at cairns city to pick customers.
After which, he left hurriedly after showing us the shop as there are
customers in his car. We decided to drive our car over as the money we
slot to buy tix has expired. The lady in Dr. Tours is very nice and
candid when she intro tours to us. Another nice person I met along my
trip. Aust seems to have a lot nice people. We managed to book all the
tours we needed from her at a cheaper price than what we saw online
and other tour agents. Another thing settled.
When we r done and wanna check in to our hotel, realized that our car
has been summoned! We have no choice but to go to the nearest council
bldg to pay off the fine. It costs me $20!! *heartpain*
Next is checking in to our hotel. It's a small 2-storey apartment
place. Ours is on the first. Quite a homely place I would say, esp for
pple who are not so particular abt the type of hotel rooms as long as
the toilets are clean. :D and it only cost us AUD63 per nite.
Just came back from dinner. Had dinner at this pub which only cost us
$10 for a guinness pie and a glass of beer. It's considered cheap and
the food is quite nice actually. Then drove down casino and have a
look. Slot $40 into slots machine, after half hours, won back the same
amount and off we go. Haha. Back to homely hotel and getting ready to
sleep. Nitez.