You're the best thing ever happened to me!!

Saw this song from a friend's blog. Felt that its very meaningful.
Dedicated to that 'You' that u know u r the best thing ever happened
to me.. Thks.

You're the best thing ever happened to me!!

I never thought
I'd ever need someone
As much as I need you
You brighten my day in every way,
you make My life feel so brand new
And every time
I think about the way
You make me feel inside
I get a great feeling, the kinda great feeling
You get when you're full of pride
And it all happened at one moment in time
When I realized the greatest gift was mine and

Chorus: You, you're the best thing that ever happened to me
It's definitely you
I want you to forever stay with me,
don't go away
You've made it real easy to see that
You're the best thing that ever happened to me

In my life there are many things that
Bring me up and bring me down
And if I looked all over the world
I don't think I could ever have found
Someone who makes my life worth living
Makes the rainy day seem bright
This is the strongest feeling
I've felt 'Cause in my heart,
I know it is right
And if you ever left me now
Don't know how I'd go on
I'd do anything that I can somehow
To keep this going on strong

Sent from my iPhone

Meaningful phrase from a dear friend

Behind your smile, I know there are sorrows.
Behind your laughters, I know there are tears.
But I want you to know that, behind you is me who always care for you.

Life without a purpose

What is the meaning of life without a purpose?? For now, i still have a purpose because my aim is to attain my degree in shipping course. Sometimes, when i am really free and have nothing to ponder upon, i will start thinking – what am i gonna do after i have gotten my degree?? What else can i do??

I dun dislike my current life which most of my days are occupied by doing assignments, meeting with friends for dinner or drinks, watching movies when there are good shows etc. However, they dun seem to satisfy me alot. What exactly am i looking for? What will really give me real satisfaction?? What i mean is i seriously feel happy whenever i am out with friends etc, but they dun give real satisfaction.  How??!!

I know!! Look for something else which i like to do and proceed?? Thats easy to say..haha.. i often get these from friends but what exactly do i really like to do?? No one even me can answer this question at times. whahhahaha Thats the irony of life.  :(

Karaoke!!

Been goin to karaoke quite often, like 5 times in 2 wks. Be it karaoke
pub or the Kbox style. I have been complaining that I have no kaki to
go with, then out of no where different groups of pple just jio me
within these 2 wks.

Thanks to all my friends that my Chinese songs list is updated as I
havnt been listening to them for sometime. I realised I really love
singing and listening to others sing. Maybe because I watched too much
星光大道, I become a 'judge' whenever I hear myself and others sing.
Will criticise and comment like as if I m the judge. Whahahahahaha. So
fun.

But somehow, I kinda lost a Ktv kaki for now. It's him. We used to
love going Ktv that the 2 of us can just go alone, or even just with
his sister, who loves to sing too. Record singing time is from 12mn to
5am!! It's not the no. of hours, rather it's the kinda of time we
went. hahahaha. Can't wait to see if I ever have chance to go again
with him....

Feeling nonchalant??

Dunno wat to write in my blog anymore.. Isit a problem? There seems to
be alot on my mind but when I really sit down n wanna put them in
words, I dun even know what I wanna write.

Is that a problem somewhere? Recently got a lethargic feeling somehow.
There are a lot of places which I know I wanna go, but when asked by
frens where, no whr came to mind. I used to wanna go alot of places
with him, can talk abt them non-stop till he say I can ji ji cha cha
talk non stop. hahaha. I missed the funny rubbish jokes he used to
tell me. I can laugh almost at anything he say. I am not
'entertaining' him, but i really feel it's funny lor.

Just went to my fav liang court basement curry house with frens last
wk. The feeling is so familiar yet distant at the same time. Dunno wat
to order, no one to give suggestion, realised I am no craving for
eating at all. Went ti ramen shop is also same for me. The food I love
most in the past just doesn't seem so appealing anymore.

Am I losing interests in everything around me? Even mj, I can say I m
not very interested anymore. I play cos i Noe I hav pple ard me, not
so much in the game. Will this nonchalant feeling passed soon?

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Comparison and alternative

I love the seriousness on one's look when he is engaged in some deep
thinking. But do I love everyone's or jus his? Looking at another one
now, but somehow the feeling is very different even when the time,
purpose, venue seem to be the same.

I came to one conclusion: there is no alternative when it comes to the
person u love. No matter how similar the new one is, he can never
replace the original one. I can only fall in love again after I can
stop comparing him with any new guys I know. I have to stop
benchmarking him, then only can I start to fall in love again. But
will that day come soon, or even come? Am i willing to let go?
Sigh..........

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Assignments – making me sad

I am struggling with my assignments now yet i cant help but thought of him. Hahahha.

He used to help me soooo much in my assignments. Giving me ideas, editing my languages, accompanying me at East Coast Mac whenever its nearing the submission date etc…

Now even if i am going to east coast mac, it will only be me alone. Feeling sad not becos i have to go thr alone (as i have done tat before), feeling sad cos he is not goin to be with me in all my future involvement in anything.

I think there isnt anything which i did don’t involve him in one way or the other, which precisely makes things so difficult for me when things ended. There are really alot of getting used to. I am trying quite hard, trying to divert all my attention used to think of him by going out alot with friends, arranging meet ups with friends i have not seen for long time (fulfilling my new year resolution).

However, whenever i reached home and being alone. The sadness will set in. I know i am pessimistic and emo, really trying hard to change all these. I REALLY NEED TIME!! And i dun appreciate pple ard me who only know how to FORCE you to get over, move on like its as easy as changing clothes.

Vivid dreams

Recently I kept dreaming abt fang and her kid, Kacia, whom I hav yet
to meet. I even dream of her giving birth when she is in hospital
giving birth. Yesterday, dreamt of Ray and her needing to check in one
hotel fr some function or soemthing equivalent. I tagged along to look
after Kacia.

I am curious whether this bonding between me and Kacia is pre-destined
or becos like what Jess said 'preggy around us giving us pressure'.
That I really dunno. Whichever it is, I seem to have some sort of
bonding with this kid. Haha. Shall go visit her once I done with my
assignment, which I have yet to start.

I am still waiting for colleague to bring me to the fortune teller she
deemed as good. Wishes to check out my love life and see if thr is
really any Mr Right for me aft so many relationships. Really tired of
getting dumped and having to go through the sadness. Think I am really
old le. Not sure if I can bear another of such sadness anymore. :(

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Logical vs emotional feelings

What are these? Which gives u more accurate answers? I was told that there is no right or wrong in the love world. I agree and disagree. It all depends on whether u r using ur logical feelings or emotional feelings. It supported the no right or wrong theory as it's all about
perspectives.

Majority doing action A doesn't deem this action as a right action, it only means it was more accepted by the public. Therefore, should we always go with the flow? Not going with the flow does that makes us a weirdo? What do think?

So end of the day, who can tell u what us right or wrong? I realised no one but urself.. Therefore, do what u deemed is right and do not regret abt it.

Day 8

Day 8: home sweet home day. However flight won't be till noon from
cairns to Darwin and will reach sg from Darwin at least aft 9plus at
nite.
Mixed feelings. Can't wait to go home but yet going home means reality
will set in, which will mean the nitemare I wanted to wake up badly
will just con'd. What can I do to make life easier other than asking
me to move on?What if moving on w/out him isn't how I wan my life to
be? What if I wanna move on but not w/out him? So frustrating! So
contradicting! And just so lost w/out him, kinda aimless too. Not the
goal-less kinda aimless, just quite lost in the sense that my life in
future is w/out a purpose.
Now at cairns airport after returning car. Waiting for bus to tranfer
us to the airport.
Reached airport. With only $4 left (yes, both of us add together), we
can only afford a piece of fish w/out chips. Hahaha. We spent all our
money today on pumping some more petrol and tats it.
Later at Darwin, we dun even have money to buy drinks. But it's ok, we
will be going for hotpot the moment i reached sg!! Looking forward to
it. Aft that, go hme bathe, rest and may have to mit up with a fren as
he is in need. Hope to have a good flight back.

Day 4

Day 4: Today woke up early at 6plus and got ready to go to the Great
Barrier Reef. But it was such a disappointment. Not that the reef is
not nice, but after 2.5hrs of travelling in a boat to the reef area, I
was already having sea sick. I feel quite useless, seeing others with
no prob to anything yet I am here having seasick just after a boat trip.
The whole duration whr the boat jus anchor at one spot for us to go
snorkelling, I just sit at my place trying hard to doze off so that I
won't have the retching feeling. I didn't even manage to have my lunch
on board. Total vomitted 3 times on board. Tsk tsk tsk!! Useless
Joanne. Disappointing day.

Day 5

Day 5: today is such an early day!! We woke up at 315am (i.e. Sg
115am!). I havnt even reached home back in sg. Haha. We are goin to
take hot air balloon this morning, after which sky rail (which is
cable car in sg context) and a train ride back to cairns city.
Hot air balloon is a different concept from what we have in sg. They
actually move from place to place. But that is not is the onli
difference. We were 'trapped' in a basket container and movements and
space are restricted. Then the person next to me is pple from my 'fav'
country!! Y do I have to bump into them even here?! I was ok with them
initially till one of them squeezing to our side to take pic for the
other and keep knocking into me!! Goddamn it! Don't they have eyes or
feelings that they bumped into others?! I was so pissed that I told
them off. Rest of the flight was quite pleasant with nice view, then
followed by nice breakfast.
The skyride up to Kuranda was ok too, however, the markets at Kuranda
was very boring. Not much selection or it's at super high prices, all
out to chop Roberts. End up we didn't even buy anything. The train
ride back to cairns city was kinda boring except for a few areas.
Basically it makes up our whole journey and it ended at only 345pm.
Since the railway station is near to shopping mall, decided to go to
the supermarket to grab more water and other stuff.
Went back to the hotel to grab the car then we r on our way to Mission
Beach, a place abt 2 hrs from cairns city. However, it was kinda
disappointing when I reached. Very backpacker style, to the extent
they dun even provide towels in rooms. So decided not to stay here for
another nite and will drive back to cairns city aft the river rafting
tmr. Maybe tired but not going to stay here any longer than I should.
Looking for other place to suntan on our last day. Hee. No snorkelling
but still should tan a bit rite? Hee.

Day 6

Day 6: getting ready to leave hotel now. Won't be staying another nite
here. driving back to cairns straight after the Tully white water
rafting. Ummm. If I dun get river sick this time... :p
River rafting was fun!!! Was still worried that I may get river sick
or some sorts, it was totally awesome!! Six in a raft with a guide to
go with us. We were matched with two other couples, one fr Germany,
the other England. The driver drove quite a distance to reach the
start of the river to start our rafting trip. There were abt ten other
rafts with us.
One of the last few rapids include a jump from a big boulder
*splash*!! It's about 5-7m fr the water surface. As I climb onto the
rock, i told myself that I have to jump, however the moment I stepped
onto the jumping spot I can't make it at all. End up I chose not to
jump. Then I start thinking back, if I m here with him, he will make
sure I jump after much coaxing I am sure. Anyway, no point saying this
anymore cos there won't be any him to make me jump from now onwards.
Last but not lest, I had a fun day overall. We even bought the cd with
all our pics from the whole day event at $45. Then was sent back to
mission beach whr we took our car and drove back to cairns.
Stopped at Innisfail on our way back, a really small town. Had nice
fish and chips thr. Reached cairns at abt 8pm and checked into Palm
Royale Resort. Very tired since woke up so early and having a long
day. Going to sleep soon.

Day 7

Day 7: woke up at 9am after many hours of sleep. So lazy today. Went
out to get our long awaited Domino's pizza then came back to hotel to
eat. Didn't do anything till 2pm before we went to DFO (direct factory
outlets) to do some shopping.
Managed to buy some stuff, even bought something for him. Yes, I know
I shldnt but I just did.
Spent quite a bit for this whole trip. Hope it's all worth it to get
back the bubbly Joanne in the shortest possible time. Joanne will
learn how to love a person and wish he will see it in time to come.
Hope time will allow him to be touched by Joanne again. It's all hope
tat is going to get me going.

Day 3

Day 3: Waited for shan at airport since 8am. She didn't come out till
about 915am. They really did a thorough check on her reason for
travelling alone to aust. They even ask her my flight when she told
them she has a cousin waiting for her at cairns already.
Then we called up the car rental and they pick us up to send us to
their office to collect our car. Hyundai Elantra. But still better
than Getz. Off we drive to the tour agents Matt (horse riding farm
owner). With only name and vague address near esplanade, we couldn't
find it at all. With no choice, we called up Matt and he offered to
come and pick us up and send us there! That is such a nice gesture!
Even if it means that he is on his way at cairns city to pick customers.
After which, he left hurriedly after showing us the shop as there are
customers in his car. We decided to drive our car over as the money we
slot to buy tix has expired. The lady in Dr. Tours is very nice and
candid when she intro tours to us. Another nice person I met along my
trip. Aust seems to have a lot nice people. We managed to book all the
tours we needed from her at a cheaper price than what we saw online
and other tour agents. Another thing settled.
When we r done and wanna check in to our hotel, realized that our car
has been summoned! We have no choice but to go to the nearest council
bldg to pay off the fine. It costs me $20!! *heartpain*
Next is checking in to our hotel. It's a small 2-storey apartment
place. Ours is on the first. Quite a homely place I would say, esp for
pple who are not so particular abt the type of hotel rooms as long as
the toilets are clean. :D and it only cost us AUD63 per nite.
Just came back from dinner. Had dinner at this pub which only cost us
$10 for a guinness pie and a glass of beer. It's considered cheap and
the food is quite nice actually. Then drove down casino and have a
look. Slot $40 into slots machine, after half hours, won back the same
amount and off we go. Haha. Back to homely hotel and getting ready to
sleep. Nitez.

Cairns 2nd day

Went river swimming this morning. Water was clean but the water was too quick. I am not used to the speed and in the end, one of my slippers just slipped off and flowed away. My Havanas slippers!! Sob sob... He bought that for me when we went to Taiwan previously. Other
than this the swim was quite fun. Realized that Singaporeans are quite 'sua ku' cos even for me, I have not really seen a river (other than kallang river), let alone swim in it. It was an experience for me. Was able to use the farm's wireless and surfed net for a while. Saw from my facebook quite a few encouragement and concern msg, felt very warmth. However, these are really incomparable if I were with him. I know it's mean to say such things, but I am sure that a lot will know how I feel even if they dun agree with me. Haiz...
Anyway tonite is the last nite here. Gotten the facebook a/c from Amanda(lady whom rode with me yest). Will add her when I have Internet access. I hope that shan will not experience flight delay like me. Haha. Cos I dun wanna wait at airport too long. Oh ya, I need to buy a new pair of
slippers too! I have been wearing Amanda's today.

First day at Cairns

Started the trip with a delayed flight. Haha.. Cos there is bad weather at Darwin. Passengers are not allowed to board the plane like 45-50min later than scheduled time. Thinking to myself 'am I really so bad luck?' but anyway, boarded the plane soon after they announce and off to Darwin I went for transitting of flight to cairns. Both flights were short, abt 4hrs & 3hrs respectively.
Came out of the cairns airport and saw that just the airport itself is different from what I saw in Sydney years back. There is this laidback feeling which i find relaxing. However, the weather is pretty much singapore weather. Called the 'driver' whom turned to be the owner of mount n ride (the place I m staying till meet up with shan. He asked if we could go grocery shopping before goin back to the mountains. Y not?? Haha.
Went with him to Rusty's market at cairns city which only open during the wkends to public. It's like a non airconditioned supermarket, similar to those 'flower market' I went to in Kunming. Saw one of my fav fruits thr: Mango!! They actually grow mangoes!! Went with him to butchery too. Got his supplies for our meals and we r on our way back to the mountains. Was shown whr my cabin n things ard the farm are. Afterwhich, i went back to the cabin for nap and jumpd up at 1plus. Was supposed to gather for the horse riding lesson. Anyway, I dreamt of him again. Dun rem details, just rem thr is him in it.
Just came back from activities I nvr done before: horse riding and fishing. Went for a 2hrs horse riding into rainforest, into the river (I was soaked in water to abt my waist!!), on the plains... So interesting!! They even have a troting session. It feels so carefree. The horse I rode on was named Zena. She is so clever, know when to stop, path to look out for. It's so easy riding on her. I even bought a postcard with her picture. Then went fishing. Fished in ponds whereby we have to let the fishes back into the ponds aft we caught them. Great! Cos I dum think I can eat the fishes I caught.
While fishing, chatted with the staff, Amanda, who is working while backpacking. She is a Taiwanese. The topic somehow diverted to how I just became single and how I wanna treat tis trip as a breather. Going for dinner soon. Will update on my sumptous dinner later.
Just back from my roast lamb rack with peppermint sauce, baked potato, mushroom sauce, dessert like mango and choco muffin dinner! I am soooooooo stuffed. Wish he is here with me, but I promised a friend that when I m here in aust I can't think of 'how nice if he is here with me' and 'what souvenir I have to buy for him'. I am trying my best. Really.
Anyway tmr is free n easy and I might be going to swim in the river if time permits cos everybody will be driving in to cairns city beach for a farewell party for a staff whose last day was yesterday. Looking forward to it. I am so stuffed and sleepy rite now.
Nitez everyone.

Trust??

What is trust?? Not trust funds but trust as in belief in someone or something. So what really is trust??

Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both.

So when is considered breach of trust?? When the person u trust is no longer truthful to u?? Or is there some actions which is unacceptable to you that u deem as breach of trust?? For me, breach of trust is when the person  i trusted the most done things which are highly unacceptable to me is what hurt most. I literally feel the heartache. But then again, friends told me its life. So what can i do with such a ‘life’?? Accept it? Change it? Or modify it?

I guess i can only learn to accept plus modify my mindset if i can do nothing to change the situation. This is what i call life sucks!!!

The new year

2010 approached at such a fast rate that 2009 has gone by without me realising it. This new year comes with happy and sad news. Happy because i have found a new job, though no more lazing around. Hee hee. Good thing is i will have salary in my bank every month w/out having to worry when my savings will be dry.. hahaha

Sad because something changed in a cousin’s family. I pity the kid involved. He is such a cheerful and hyper kid, not knowing what is happening at his age. How are the parents going to face him when he grow up? Though such situations are supposed to be common nowadays, when it happened to somebody close to you, i guess its still difficult to say ‘its common’. I wish for the best of all luck for the little kid, though not sure how much luck will he be given.

The only consolation is he is still young. In time to come, wish things will turn for the better and he doesnt have to know what he don’t need to know.